Stories I'd Tell in Bars by Jen Lancaster

Author:Jen Lancaster [Lancaster, Jen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Altgeld Shrugged, Inc.
Published: 2017-07-24T22:00:00+00:00

I’ve just returned home from the trip of a lifetime to Turks and Caicos. Six months earlier, a travel agency had asked if I’d be willing to travel on their dime to the luxury, all-inclusive Beaches resort they were trying to promote. My only obligations would be to post on social media beforehand and hit a couple of group dinners once everyone arrived at the resort.

[Yeah, I could probably pencil that in.]

The whole trip was better than I could have imagined, like a five-day-long bachelorette party, minus the strippers and pornographic drinking straws. We spent each minute as a group, as we quickly discovered we shared the same dark sense of humor. The women who came may have started as fans, but left as friends, complete with memories to last a lifetime and our own inside jokes.

[Game changer!]

Prior to departure, the travel agents sent us checklists of what to pack. One of their tips was to bring a thermal cup to keep frozen drinks cold. “Please,” I’d scoffed to Fletch. “I don’t need a special cup to keep my drink cold. That’s what my mouth is for.”

Luckily, Alyson brought Joanna and me darling floral print thermal cups as a surprise. Turns out, the travel agents were right, because they are travel agents and this is what they do all day, every day. They are agents who understand every aspect of travel, including what you need to do about the whole resort drink sitch. The tumblers were so important because they were three times bigger than the glasses Beaches served. One day I forgot to bring mine down from my room and I felt like I was trekking back and forth to the bar every twenty minutes.

My intention on the trip was to load up everyone’s tumblers and then teach them to play poolyball as we had our choice of pools and ocean. However, there was no way for us to commandeer the resort’s sound system, so no Yacht Rock. Plus, no one wanted to relax so actively. The whole vibe of the trip was way too laid-back, even though some of us worked out on our own in the mornings. If I’d been all, “No, no, we must play, regardless!” that would have gone against the group’s energy.

Poolyball could wait until our next trip.

The very best day was when a group of us were lazing around in the azure water, as warm as if we’d drawn a bath, about twenty feet away from the pristine white sand beach. There’s such a high salt content that floating was effortless. The six of us bobbed and sipped our mojitos.

[I’d been drinking dirty bananas for the past few days, but switched after watching how they were made. Each regular-sized drink contained a whole banana, so when I used the tumbler, I’d have three bananas. Over the course of two days, I calculated I’d consumed at least twenty-five bananas, which seemed... excessive.]

As we floated, our group would laugh at all the windsurfers and paddle-boarders who kept falling.

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